...like a spider monkey

“Let your plans be dark and as impenetratable as night, and when you move, fall like a thunderbolt.”—Sun Tzu

In sports, business, and daily life, conflict is something that comes up whether you want it to or not. It’s when and how you handle those situations that define you.

I recently was put into a situation where someone was slandering my character and business savvy to my wife. MY WIFE?!! I know what you are thinking...ATTACK! But, having been a former surgical patient for a broken hand from doing just that...I decided to listen to the whole story first. The key to listening to these types of "stories" is to listen without emotion and only focus on the facts. After you have listened, analyzed the situation, and then let it "stew" for a while. You will be able to take a more objective perspective on the situation after thinking it through. So… I did just that. It turns out their wasn’t a situation at all…or so I thought…
…Three days pass and the situation happens again with a similar story and a similar confrontation. The only difference…it was ROUND TWO!

So what do you do in this situation? How do you react? How do you know when to protect your name and when you should just take a deep breath and keep your eye on the prize? The following list of questions will help you determine whether or not you need to attack like a spider monkey:

1. Is it worth losing my job/credibility over
2. Did the person slander my name/character
3. Did the person hurt me emotionally, financially, or physically
4. Is my personal progress affected in my company/community
5. Have I tried alternative avenues for resolving these problems

If you answer "Yes" to all 5 questions (which I did), then you know its ON LIKE DONKEY KONG. If not, take a deep breath and keep your eye on the prize.
Understand that conflict is a part of life and those that can manage it and make it work for them will be the ones standing at the end…

"Its trust-o-riffic!"

Business is about relationships. The ones you make, the ones your break, and the ones that continually make a positive impact. I learned very quickly that you need to make all the "friends" you can get. People are out for numero uno and have no qualms about fucking over their competitors to "get theirs". With that being said, the more people you can have drinking YOUR Kool Aid the better... (you're thinking "no shit, everybody knows this). But the one thing that 99% of young graduates DON'T KNOW and consistently get BURNED on is... the confusion of the Ally and the Confidant...

Friends can be broken down into two categories in the business world: Allies and Confidants. To succeed in this wonderful thing called life, you will need to fine tune your trust-o-meter as quick as possible so you can distinguish between the two...

Confidant: Someone you can deeply trust regardless of the situation. He/she will always defend your name and act in your best interest.
Ally: Someone who shares the same self-interests at a point in time, but who is also a competitor. He/she can and will turn on you when their self-interests are no longer aligned with yours.

As a rule of thumb for evaluating relationships in any new environment...observe, trust, and then verify. If you make the mistake of confusing a confidant and an ally...you will be crushed.